February 8th, 2011 - 9:16am

Today in the library I was talking about prom with my friends and I noticed you weren’t in there but I didn’t say anything because I’m supposed to be pretending not to care about you anymore. I didn’t really realize what was going on until I saw you walk past, and my eyes followed you until you circled our table like you were planning on attacking it or maybe you couldn’t make up your mind who really knows and then you stopped and said Can I sit here and I know you were speaking to all of us but why were your eyes locked with mine and why couldn’t you look away and how come that was the first time in weeks you’ve looked at me without tearing your gaze away and how come I was so hungry for it I didn’t break it either and instead I looked at you some more and remembered I was mad at you and then gave you the look and I know what that look does to you, I know how it makes your heart break into ten thousand tiny little pieces and how it pulls the switch and lets the guilt ooze from every pore of your body. I know sitting at the edge of our table listening to me tell jokes and laughing at them was almost as horrible for you as it was for me but to hear your laugh for the first time in weeks and especially at something I said just triggered something inside of me and I immediately wanted to get up and punch you in the face and hug you and tell you to die and tell you I missed you but I couldn’t do any of those things so I got up and asked for a pass to the bathroom and I was gone for 20 minutes and I spent most of the time walking laps around the school because anything was better than hearing your laugh seeing your face feeling your presence near me and knowing all of it meant absolutely nothing to you