March 15th, 2011 - 12:03am

I shouldn’t feel this way. Wake up every morning only to wish I hadn’t. When did it become hard? Sitting on the floor of my bathroom and you’re on my mind, and you too. Close my eyes and we’re together - on the floor next to your bed crying and laughing and beneath the sheets of your bed, sweaty and full of passion. I covered all of the mirrors in my house because I cannot stand the person looking back at me. Silent heartache, all I do is ache. Sometimes I can’t breathe, eat, think, speak. Sometimes my mind leaves my body, takes a vacation because it will get sick if it does not leave every once in awhile. My heart was once full of love, now it’s an empty void. Sitting in my bed, I haven’t gotten up all day, have no desire to. A voice calls out for me somewhere in the dark and for once I’m not scared. I know it’s all in my mind, it is my mind, it’s the monsters and they’re back and they’re hungry and they’re not going to give up until I give in. I close my eyes, maybe if I pretend to be asleep they’ll go away. Sigh after endless sigh and I open my eyes, look at the clock, and it’s 12:34. Why is it always 12:34? My name is being called again, this time the voice sounds closer. I push my sheets back, swing my legs over the edge of the bed, look down. I could jump. I could jump and this would all be over with. No more running, no more fucking running. Hear my name one more time and I stand, walk into the darkness, and I don’t look back. On my way there, my brain becomes fuzzy numb cold. On my way there, I realize something — No one’s ever afraid of the dark, they’re afraid of what’s in it. I stop, run into something. The thing I am afraid of looks me dead in the face, smiles, shows me all of its sharp white glistening teeth. I can smell my fear on its breath. I am swallowed whole. I have never felt so free.